#thanks to the loom of fate episode we know she is capable

[girl-drink-drunk]

rewatching the librarians and i think lamia should've gotten a redemption arc and joined the group as another guardian

[medea10]

My Review of Magical Girl Site

How did I get into this anime? I…huh…Good question! I don’t recall. Probably some other anime reviewers mentioned it and I put it on the Amazon/Netflix list hoping I won’t have to watch it any time soon. Two years later and here we are!

Aya Asagiri’s life is a living hell. She is constantly bullied at school and no one does a thing to stop it. Her teachers don’t care about her well-being. Her father barely notices she exists. And to top it off, her brother beats the crap out of her just for him to relieve stress! Is it any wonder that she wants to commit suicide? One night, her computer mysteriously turns on to a website, promoting Aya to become a magical girl. She brushed it off and thought nothing of it…

That is until the next morning when she finds a note and a gun in her shoe locker. After being tortured by her bullies and almost raped, she finds herself at the end of her ropes and pulls out the mysterious gun. When she pulled the trigger, her bullies disappeared. Turns out, the targets are transported to another place. In the case of some of her bullies, they were transported to in front of a moving train.

Karma, bitches!

It’s unknown why Aya was specifically chosen to become a magical girl, but fellow magical girl Yatsumura feels she could use Aya’s magic to combat a looming threat to other magical girls. But they must not overuse their magic, otherwise they will die.

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: As of this moment, this anime seems to be in the capable hands of Amazon Prime. And we all know how well they treat animes, right?! Hahaha! Funny! Anyways, don’t expect a dub! The cast seems to be comprised of many female seiyuus I’m not particularly familiar with. I mean with the exception of Aina Suzuki, I hear her sounds every day thanks to the Love Live game apps! Add to that the creepy, raspy voice of Frieza playing the site administrator! One voice actor however I heard the second he let out a creepy, hygena-like laugh, I knew exactly who this crazy bastard was! Nobuhiko Okamoto plays a great psychopath. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Aya is played by Yuuko Oono

*Yatsumura is played by Himika Akaneya

*Sarina is played by Haruka Yamazaki (known for Ruka on Hayate the Combat Butler, Mero on Monster Musume, Aika on High School DxD, and Natsumi on Danganronpa 3)

*Nijimi is played by Yuu Serizawa (known for Shera on How Not to Summon a Demon Lord)

*Shioi is played by Aina Suzuki (known for Mari on Love Live Sunshine)

AUTOMATICLY THROWN ON DISLIKED LIST: Okay children, who automatically ends up on my hate list for life?

Fuckers who commit rape and fuckers who kill animals for fun!

Damn right! Give this anime some credit for not showing Aya’s bullies throwing a cat in front of a moving train. If this were 10 years ago, they probably would have animated it and I would have been puking afterward. I’m not sure which of Aya’s bullies threw a cat in front of a moving train, but for the time being, I’m throwing them all on the list.

And while I’m here, Sarina! She was like the ring-leader in the bullying of Aya. I’m almost certain she’s the bitch that killed the stray cat but I have no proof of that. With my history with horrible people like that, I have no sympathy for bullies in the slightest and feel she got what was coming to her. Bitch, you got that big, ugly scar on your neck for a reason. You got what was coming!

DEFINITELY BELONGS IN DISLIKE HISTORY: Now that I got the usual gripe off my chest, gotta add Aya’s onii-chan, Kaname! Sweet merciful crap, do I love hearing Nobuhiko Okamoto play a psychopath, but this is going way too far. And Kaname is just irredeemable! He has this complex that makes him think he’s on God-tier and everyone else is beneth him. Now I do have to hate Kaname and Aya’s father for placing this kind of pressure on Kaname and beating the shit out of him if he gets bad grades. But good fuck, this guy just pushes past the line of no return when he tries to manipulate little girls, steal their power, and lose control. And this wasn’t like he had no control over his own body and wants to stop this from happening! Kaname meant every thing he did to his sister and her friends. OH…and that one guy he forced to off himself! I just can’t even with this guy!

SHIPPING: I know a lot of people ship the hell out of Aya and Yatsumura and yeah, I can see that and I would ship them too. But for reals, I just want these two girls to live a life of peace together for as long as they’re around. For fuck’s sake, did you see the shit they put up with in their lives? Aya was bullied relentlessly at home and school. Yatsumura watched her whole family be slaughtered by a creep. These girls deserve some sort of peace! I know this is the shipping category, but I felt the need to say this.

STICKS: Okay anime, what are you doing? Aya uses a magical gun! Sarina uses a magical yo-yo! Nijimi uses magical panties (insert immature laugh here)! Yatsumura uses a magical remote! How hard is it to have them say that! And I probably shouldn’t put blame on the anime and holler at the manga! But calling magical items “Sticks”, that feels…I don’t want to say stupid, but I can’t think of any other word to go along with that. I just feel like the manga was on some deadline and they were frantically finishing what to call their magical items and just went “FUCK IT, IT’S STICKS”.

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME: In the “Could have fooled me” category we have a boy who identifies as a girl magical girl! Man, 2018 definitely was the progressive AF year! I mean, we had Lily from Zombieland Saga, we had the girls who transformed into magical buff men in Magical Girl Ore, and now THIS! So we have Kiyo! An openly transgendered magical girl that’s not a token joke! Okay, well done guys! Pearl points all around!

ENDING: Early in the series, we learned about a moment called “The Tempest”. A catastrophic even set to take place once enough negative energy is caught. There are a lot of Magical Girl Site administrators that take advantage of “POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS”. They pick the most unfortunate girls as pawns in their game. And once “The Tempest” hits, everyone will die and the world will start over anew. Aya and Yatsumura end up meeting new magical girl allies and even a few that were coersed by different administrators. Not to mention one of Aya’s bullies is a magical girl too with a score to settle! What could be worse?

How about we add Aya’s disgusting brother to this mix?! As I’ve mentioned before, Aya’s brother Kaname would use Aya as a personal punching bag in order to get rid of stress. When Aya became a magical girl, she would spend more time with Yatsumura or the other girls, leaving Kaname to go without slugging his sister. So fuckface over here manipulates another magical girl, Nijimi to do what he says. This leads to him stealing Nijimi’s underwear and gaining her magical power of mind control. I never thought I would have to say a sentence like that, but here we are.

Kaname went out of control with this power as he managed to injure all of the girls and give a fatal blow to Nijimi. But another possible enemy dropped a bomb on us when they kidnapped Kaname. THEN, these girls are targeted at Nijimi’s funeral and they almost died. Add another plot-twist, a police officer that’s been seen from time to time in a lot of the tragedies in the show is in cahoots with one of the magical girl site administrators. This keeps getting fuckier by the minute! Well, the girls felt it was time to take action and try to take out the administrators that screwed them with this doomed fate. But once they took out one of the administrators, they came across an ugly truth.

Sight administrators are magical girls who died previously!

Yeah, not that big of a shock! Madoka Magica gave us magical girls who end up so corrupt that they become witches they’re supposed to fight. While some of the administrators ended up falling to these girls, Nana (the creepy one we’ve been watching since ep 1) is the hardest one to take out. She ends up killing Yatsumura (because she used up too much of her power), but then manipulates her to become an administrator.

Once she manipulated Yatsumura, she ends up going after Aya. And after a lot of back-and-forth between the two girls, Yatsumura was able to snap out of Nana’s control and they managed to take out Nana. And we end the series with a brighter future for Aya and Yatsumura as their lives become a little less unfortunate.

Yeah, few issues here!

1.) There are still a butt-load of site administrators. Isn’t there still a “Tempest” going to happen? 2.) Aya and Yatsumura’s lives aren’t in danger anymore after using fuck-tons of their power? WTF?! 3.) What was the point of Aya shooting herself to get Yatsumura back? I am not following you. Is this some sort of Insception shit?! 4.) That detective! Misumi was his name? Why was he just casually talking to Nana a few episodes back? 5.) Why don’t we see him until the final few moments in the finale? 6.) WHY DID HE RAPE KANAME?! 7.) WHY WAS THIS SCENE A THING? 8.) I don’t want to say Kaname deserved it, buuuuuut… Uuuggghhh…Mumble, mumble. I can’t finish that thought. 9.) These site administrators are probably pissed and are going to want revenge on these magical girls. What’s going on here?

…Let me guess, I need to read the manga to get all my questions answered…

FUCKING FIGURES!

Seriously...what Misumi did. That scene is forever etched in my brain forever. Next to that scene of Kaname wiggling his junk in front of a guy.

This anime was pretty bad. No wait...

This anime was way too edgy for me! Episode 1 was just absolute torture porn involving Aya. The first episode managed to combine the bully scene in Vivid Strike, the puppy killing scene in Elfen Lied, and every bullying episode of Hell Girl all into one single episode. As for the rest of this series, they go above and beyond to grab some of the worst aspects of other animes and implement them here. Aya’s older brother almost has a God-complex that rivals that of Light Yagami of Death Note. Nijimi has a devoted fan that’s almost crossing over from the movie Perfect Blue. Body mutilation scenes on levels not seen since Higurashi! And fill this world up with the worst kinds of humans imaginable like in Elfen Lied! This was just too much hatred! Too much!

Add to that, there’s absolutely no resolution to this story. Yes, Aya and Yatsumura are alive and together. But guys, there are still some other-worldly strong site administrators looming! Tempest is still happening. KANAME IS STILL FUCKING ALIVE…literally and figuratively speaking! And with how much this anime has been panned by anime fans across the board, I doubt if this anime will ever receive a sequel. Guys, if you want a really good 12-episode anime about magical girls with an edge, just watch Madoka Magica. But if you’re a curious idiot like me, whatever, you do you!

As this anime is an Amazon Prime exclusive, I’m afraid that’s the only legal outlet for this.

Now that this is over, my next Amazon/Netflix/Crunchyroll anime is…

Grand Blue!

Oh, it’s set in a cute ocean town. Am I going to enjoy some cute absurdity like I did with Tsuritama?

Sort of!

OH GOOD FUCK, WHAT FRAT HOUSE WAS THIS BIRTHED FROM?!

[mittensmorgul]

Faith on the tnt loop (which, full disclosure, I slept through oopsie, so I pulled out the blu ray because this is NOT one I can skip).

Post 14.20, this episode is... extra-amazing, honestly. I’ve always felt that this episode was unwittingly (possibly, at the time it was written) a window into what this story could potentially do. When I first binged this series, this was the first episode I finished where I had to stop and completely reevaluate what I was actually witnessing. This was the episode that took me from casually consuming a fun lil monster show to 100% invested in this grand narrative. Even without any knowledge of what the ensuing 6 1/2 season (that existed at the time), I felt like I had my first glimpse of a much bigger picture in store for me. This was the first episode that, after a break to absorb what I’d just witnessed, I went back and immediately watched it again. Turns out I wasn’t reading too much into it... in fact, I wasn’t reading nearly enough into it...

The episode begins with Sam and Dean hunting a monster that we’ve only ever seen once more in the entirety of canon-- a rawhead, which earned a mention in 14.01 after an off-screen hunt for one went wrong enough to have left a tooth behind in one of the AU hunters. As if the monster in this case has been rendered doubly irrelevant, by virtue of the fact it practically dies offscreen in 1.12 while Dean's defeat of it and his own actions and choices in defeating it are the actual inciting incident of all the relevant action to follow. And in 14.01, all that remains of the rawahead was a tooth that's extracted from a wound and likely a wild hunter's tale.

Dean explains the use of the tasers they're using to take down the rawhead (specifically that the electricity is deadly to it and each weapon is one use only, "so make it count"). Dean takes his shot, and misses, but they find the children the rawhead had been holding captive. Dean tells Sam to take them outside to safety, and Sam hands over his taser to Dean, leaving Dean alone to face the monster (who we learn in 14.01 moves a lot faster than expected, and fast enough that we never even really see it in 1.12). Dean is literally backed into a corner, on the ground in a puddle of water, with the monster looming over him when he chooses to take his shot. It's not like he had much choice, right? So he shoots, and thanks to the water he's lying in, he electrocutes himself as well, damaging his own heart to the point where the doctor gives him a month to live.

He could've made a different choice, could've rolled out of the water, could've tried to fight off the rawhead (probably ineffectively) but perhaps enough that it would've given up and escaped to hunt children another day, but Dean took his shot, in a circumstance where he felt it was the right thing to end this monster and prevent it from hurting anyone ever again, even when it hurt him in the process. Not that he knew it would necessarily kill him to do it, but he was fully aware of the power of the weapon in his hand and what it was capable of, and accepted that it would hurt him right along with the monster he'd aimed it at since they were “connected” through the puddle of water.

Can anyone else say Hammurabi? Equalizer?

All of this has happened before.

But that's just the beginning. Because Dean survived, even if mortally wounded. This was the first time, though, that they were motivated to defy death, and that brings us to the true Monster of the Week-- Sue Ann LeGrange. Yes, I know it's technically "a reaper," but operating under Sue Ann's control and on her orders. She was the one who chose who lived and who died, based on who SHE thought was worthy, or unworthy in the case of her chosen victims. She was "playing god," deceiving her husband after saving HIS life with this dark magic (which required at least TWO sacrifices on her part-- one to make the altar and talisman to bind the reaper in the first place, and one person to die to save Roy, unbeknownst to him), and letting him think that he was miraculously granted the gift of healing by God.

And Sam decides to look for a similar sort of miraculous cure for Dean, even when Dean had accepted his own apparent fate:

DEAN: Look, Sammy, what can I say, man, it's a dangerous gig. I drew the short straw. That's it, end of story. SAM: Don't talk like that, alright? We still have options. DEAN: What options? Yeah, burial or cremation. And I know it's not easy. But I'm gonna die. And you can't stop it. SAM: Watch me.

Sam isn't about to go committing human sacrifice like Sue Ann, but after a tearful phone call plea to John for help, which goes unreplied to, Sam takes matters into his own hands, just as Dean checks himself out of the hospital having accepted his fate:

SAM: You know, this whole I-laugh-in-the-face-of-death thing? It's crap. I can see right through it. DEAN: Yeah, whatever, dude. Have you even slept? You look worse than me. SAM: (Helping DEAN to a chair) I've been scouring the Internet for the last three days. Calling every contact in Dad's journal. DEAN: For what? SAM: For a way to help you. One of Dad's friends, Joshua, he called me back. Told me about a guy in Nebraska. A specialist. DEAN: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? SAM: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

(aside to lol at John’s friend being named “Joshua,” namesake of the one angel God continued to talk to after supposedly abandoning Heaven and Earth, the angel who told Sam and dean in 5.16 that God refused to step in to help stop the apocalypse, and the angel killed in 12.19 by Dagon before fetus!Jack hijacked Cas to kill Dagon in turn... and even after his death it was Joshua’s amulet in 14.17 that enabled him to summon Chuck back into the story... funny that this hunter we never hear about again was the one to point Sam in the direction of this healer...)

And I'm sorry to just keep pasting in chunks of transcript, but this all goes to Sam and Dean's respective outlooks on pretty much everything, and the Grand Manipulation of Chuck in the entire narrative as we now understand it post 14.20:

DEAN: I mean, come on, Sam, a faith healer? SAM: Maybe it's time to have a little faith, Dean. DEAN: You know what I've got faith in? Reality. Knowing what's really going on. SAM: How can you be a skeptic? With the things we see everyday? DEAN: Exactly. We see them, we know there real. SAM: But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe good's out there, too? DEAN: Because I've seen what evil does to good people.

Sam has faith, Dean's a skeptic. Throughout s14 we saw what it would take to break Dean to the point where he would accept the word of God without question. It literally took the entire season, more than half of it revolving around his possession and complete loss of free will and self, building him up when Michael left him again and giving him a false sense of security to begin to feel comfortable building emotional bridges to his entire family (including Jack), only to tear it all down and lose himself to Michael again on a whim, losing Mary again, losing Jack to soullessness because of his own failed choices (in his estimation, at least). This process of showing Dean how little power and control he has over his own existence was furthered by Billie presenting him with the supposed singular solution to save the world, which Dean interpreted to mean the most horrifying iteration of self-sacrifice the show has ever presented to us-- an eternity spent at the bottom of the ocean, locked with Michael in the Ma'lak box. Ironically, just as he was beginning to think of himself as something more than just a weapon, the parallel can't help but be drawn to the First Blade, which Cain had thrown to the bottom of the ocean in a similar fashion. Which should only serve to remind us that even that's not a permanent solution to any problem. And I think THAT was the lesson Billie truly wished Dean to understand. Jack is the one who ends up making the true sacrifice (his own human soul) to kill Michael once and for all, and Dean is left with the guilt of that.

But several other important incidents in s14 tie directly back to this, too. 14.08, playing with life and death, learning about what truly matters in someone's destiny after death, and what the Winchesters are willing to do to save a loved one. Ironically, in the process, Cas is backed into a corner, making a deal with the Empty Entity for his own happiness in exchange for Jack's soul.

Nothing ever comes for free. The Winchesters have been juggling these horrific choices and sacrifices their entire lives, and nothing is ever just as simple as an uncomplicated win.

Which is a key element of 1.12. Dean's skepticism, his feeling of "wrongness" after being healed by Roy, uncovers the larger truth. Sam desperately wants Dean to just let it go, accept it as a miracle, and move on:

SAM: Look, Dean, do we really have to look this one in the mouth? Why can't we just be thankful that the guy saved your life and move on? DEAN: Because I can't shake this feeling, that's why.

A miracle isn't enough for Dean, and the truth is darker and more horrifying than Sam can accept. As he uncovers more and more of the facts of just how Roy is supposedly healing people, he tearfully apologizes to Dean, and they work together to find a way to stop it from happening again. Someone is controlling a reaper, literally trading one life for another. Chuck must've LOVED this episode of his favorite show. It nails all his favorite themes:

DEAN: You never should've brought me here. SAM: Dean, I was just trying to save your life. DEAN: But, Sam, some guy is dead now because of me. SAM: I didn't know.

Ignorance of the truth didn't stop them from becoming entangled in this mess, though. Just like it hasn't stopped them from becoming entangled in every other cosmic mess they've stumbled across over the succeeding 14 seasons. Sam believed it was a miracle, and his faith had blinded him to the truth-- or at least made him want to believe, motivated by the results at Dean's miraculous healing. It's the same faith that led him in early s11 to want to believe his visions were coming from God, that maybe his visions that had plagued him in early seasons were being used for good now-- and with the intervention of Billie in 11.02 when those visions began, it's interesting how the solution that actually saved his life in that circumstance technically came from what she said to him about being "unclean in the biblical sense."

Reapers and their powers and limitations (clean hands!), and their knowledge of the Bigger Picture that Billie herself won't be able to see until she dies and is resurrected with the mantle of Death, have their beginnings in the mythology right here, enslaved to the will of a mortal woman who believed she could make choices about who deserved to live and who deserved to die based on her own corrupted sense of morality.

Even when the concept of Death is introduced in 5.10, he's presented as "lesser" than what he truly is by virtue of Lucifer having bound him to his will for the purposes of the apocalypse, and as merely one of the Four Horsemen equal to War, Famine, and Pestilence. In 5.21, we learn what he's "supposed to be." Practically an equal to God, with the power over all life and death. It's not really until 13.05 that we learn the truth about just how powerful Billie has become, and yet what her limitations still are. We begin to see one side of this massive cosmic chess match, all leading up to the biggest revelation of them all in 14.20.

Back to 1.12 again... (sorry it's impossible not to be continually distracted by the theme spiral here). Dean also is uncomfortable for the first time over the potential for The Lord to be eyeballing him specifically, which is a feeling he's gonna truly grow into throughout s4 "I don't like being singled out at birthday parties, let alone by God," right up through the showdown at the end of 14.20.

DEAN: Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me? ROY: Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart, and you just stood out from all the rest. DEAN: What did you see in my heart? ROY: A young man with an important purpose. A job to do. And it isn't finished.

Throughout the episode, they believe it's Roy controlling the reaper and making the choices about who lives and dies, but he was literally blind to the fact it was Sue Ann. He was as much a victim in all of this as the people he believed he was healing, that he believed he had been touched by God to impart new life to. But knowing the full truth, Dean has to stop someone from being healed that even HE believes deserves to be saved, to be spared the suffering of a life cut short by an inoperable brain tumor, after learning an innocent man would die in her place. No matter how much he might feel that Layla didn't deserve that fate, he also doesn't believe the man who'd been protesting Roy's healing ministry deserves to die just for that fact, either.

SUE ANN: I just don't understand. After everything we've done for you. After Roy healed you. I'm just very very disappointed Dean DEAN stares at her, saying nothing. SUE ANN: You can let him go. I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit. SUE ANN leaves. The cops turn to DEAN. COP 1: We catch you round here again son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand?

Once again, in text, Sue Ann is unwittingly labeled "God." It's not God's wrath Dean fears, but Sue Ann's, knowing his defiance has likely turned him from worthy of healing to unworthy of living. Now this has moved beyond idealistically wanting to stop someone from playing god with people's lives right back to the immediate need to stop them before someone else becomes the next victim. And all of their choices-- Dean not being able to walk away, not being able to look the other way, discovering the full horrific truth of how he himself had been brought back from the brink of death, led them to this juncture where it truly felt like they had no other choice but to stop the monster. It literally became a life and death matter for Dean.

I still find it fascinating that as a result of their actions and choices in this episode, the reaper who'd been enslaved to Sue Ann's will was freed when Sam crushed the talisman that kept him bound. I find that highly amusing in retrospect, that while Dean was literally touched by an incarnation of Death several times in this episode, Sam effectively committed services rendered to the Cosmic Order.

We've learned so much about all of this over the years, as well-- the need for balance, order in the universe, and so many of those lessons have come from Death directly. Dean learns some of this firsthand in 6.11, for example, when he takes on Death's job for a day (or at least the life-and-death side of his job, now that we know so much more about his knowledge and understanding of creation as a whole). We learn even more through Billie, and her constant reminders that what's dead should stay dead, and through Billie's reapers once she becomes Death. 13.19 reminds us, through a story about the consequences of killing reapers, just how tenuous the course of cosmic events can be, and what the universe does to self-correct when the balance tilts too far in one direction. It's a lesson Tessa began to teach way back in 4.15, in an episode where Dean once again saves the life of a reaper (not only unwittingly protecting the cosmic balance, but literally stopping the breaking of a seal and staving off the apocalypse for at least another day, and that entire episode, that entire case, only happened through the unwitting guidance of them to the case by Cas-- still operating under Heaven’s orders and pretending to be Bobby sending them to that town to investigate...).

It has always felt to me that the show has subtly revealed more about the truth of the cosmos through death and Death than anything else. And that's on full display now in 1.12. Sue Ann's lies of omission about Roy's "powers," her manipulation of circumstance and her ensnarement of a reaper to do her will, choosing who lives and dies and literally "playing God," is it really any wonder to find out that Chuck has attempted to do the same on the highest cosmic scale from the start? He is a writer, after all, writing the entire story of the universe even as the universe fights to tell its own story. It's only by looking to the center and seeing the truth of the entire picture that they can free themselves from that fate, break the spell that's held them captive to Chuck's narrative and this endless cycle of sacrifice.

Heck I still love this episode. So much that I’ve let the next three episodes play out in the background... This is the entire spiral of the story played out in miniature, wrapped into a single episode.

[beaflower77]

Athlidon’s Choice

For Roo’s Classic Lit Challenge, I wrote my story with original characters, set in Rivendell, in the time before the Hobbit. They are all elves, with the exception of one special human; Beatrice. 

This fiction is a based off two quotes. “Some people could look at a mud puddle and see an ocean” Zora Neal Hurston. And “I look at you and a sense of wonder takes me.” Homer.  I certainly enjoyed writing this, and appreciate Roo’s wonderful, notable quotes. Thank you Roo. I know I could possibly do better, I may change things in this story later, but hope you enjoy it tonight.

And here we go …

 Athlidon’s Choice

She picked up her light basket of dirty linen, walked down the many twists and turns to get to her favorite washing spot, stopped, then decided instead, to go the long way round. And sat for awhile in her own personal garden, the small, private garden which Erestor had helped her with so long ago. How strange it was she thought, how had fate landed her here? How and why did she readily accept the change? How did they? How was she able to fall into place with it all and not miss…home?

Beatrice sat looking at the flowers. The many dots of colorful flowers looming her little garden, bobbing and nodding their heads in the warm breeze. Not so large, so vast a garden. For what would Beatrice do with such a big, voluminous plot? Nothing, she supposed. It would be a nuisance to keep up and she would not be comfortable asking for continual assistance with the maintenance. No, not really. She sat and stared, letting her mind drift off.

How strange, she thought, in a hidden valley, so deep, so secluded, there was such an array of sounds. Sometimes the cacophony was deafening, the tiny tinkling of horse bells, the wave of grasses, the thuds of hoof beats, the swish of skirts, plodding of particular boots. And the foliage. One would think nothing could grow in this craggy, rocky landscape, but for the miles and miles of land, the trees and green, dense foliage. The trees, the flowers, the miles of rushing and still waters, mesmerizing between sound and motion. Beatrice sat, admired and lost herself in her dreams. Until a small burble of sound, a giggle, a laugh or two invaded her silence. And she abruptly woke. Turned her head, and listened.

Shoving aside her hamper of clothes, Beatrice stood, crept, tiptoed to the dark, dense hedge. She could barely, but distinctly make out the silhouettes of Faelor and Angolien. Crap! she thought. They shouldn’t be here. Why? What would posses them to find, use and invade this place, my place, to sequester themselves for a personal, semi romantic, rendezvous. Angolien’s Ada, Athlidon, was going to squeeze the living breath out of both of them and blame me. Guilty by association no doubt. Poor Angolien, Beatrice thought, with Athlidon for her Ada, life was anything but boring.

“That is silly.,” Faelor insisted. “No. It is not.,” she insisted with all seriousness. “When someone loses an eyelash, you are supposed to make a wish and blow it off, into the wind.” And Angolien softly smiled, purposefully brushed the cheek of Faelor, causing him to still his breath in admiration for her beliefs, silly as they were. When the moment had passed, “Who told you this childish story?,” he politely inquired, picking at a blade of grass, for they had seated themselves on a thick blanket on the ground, protecting their pretty clothes. Smiling shyly, “Lady Beatrice.,” Angolien replied, with a little admiration of her own. Faelor huffed, smiled down into the collar of his tunic, “You believe everything Beatrice tells you?,” then he slyly looked up, upon the choice of his affection. “Of course. Do you not?, she asked. Angolien did remind him, “She acted as your ‘Mama’, for awhile…I’m sure Lady Beatrice was not about to tell you anything untrue…” 

And there, Faelor remembered and waited the silence out. “Yes. I remember.,” he agreed, giving his one ear a little scratch, a tug. “My brother and I…Galearan…our Nana was gone, and..Beatrice stood up for us. Acted as adoptive mother. She was kind, stern, but loving, sweet. It made the loneliness, the loss of our elven mother, that much easier to bear.” Sadly smiling, with sweet turmoil, Faelor sighed deeply, wet his mouth with his tongue, gave his love a grand smile. “Yes. I remember.,” Faelor insisted again. “She put up with us a great deal. Mostly with our behavior and such,” flicking a flying bug away from themselves. Smiling herself, “Faelor, if Lady Beatrice put up with you and Galearon so much, it must be because she wanted to.,” and here Angolien softly, with tenderness touched the knee of his leggings. And left her fingers there, and lingered. As they stared at each other in wonder, in lust and longing, Faelor had to break the silence, “Then if Lady Beatrice tells you a thing, it must be true.,” and he placed his hand deftly over hers. “Did you make a wish?,” he asked.

Crap! Beatrice stood back, rolled her eyes, young love. Sickening. They’ll be sickening up of this whole episode as soon as Athlidon hears of this. And it was at that moment, “Beatrice!,” Athlidon commanded, coming into view, Into view in her garden. “What?!,” Beatrice yelped, twirling round, staring back, caught in a panic. Oh, the bright lights of obnoxious red panic. “Have you seen Angolien?,” striding boldly cross the pebbles. Crossing the grounds, picking up her basket, standing in front of the little hedges’ hole. “Not at this moment.,” fibbed Beatrice. A moment ago, yes, this moment, maybe not, no. And Beatrice moved, sat down on her stone bench, causing Athlidon to train his eyes on her being and stop his own movement in the wrong direction.

For a moment, only a moment’s hesitation, Athlidon was about to turn away. Sighing instead, he stilled himself, looked down upon Beatrice on the bench and made a choice. He sat. Athlidon sat down next to Beatrice and Beatrice stilled herself, wondering why. Waiting him out, Beatrice glanced at her dirty laundry and wondered how long this encounter would last. Not wanting to be rude, but wondering what was causing Athlidon to linger, “Have you been having a nice day, Athlidon?” Coming out of his thoughts, ignored her question, “Angolien is interested in Faelor.,” he heavily dropped. “Oh.,” came her reply. “And…that is a bad thing?…,” Beatrice cautiously asked. “Yes.,” Athlidon most adamantly replied.

Beatrice sat and thought. “Why?,” she ventured to know. As if he were talking to a cow, “Do you not understand?,” he gasped. “Faelor is…,” he shrugged, “Faelor is..Faelor.,” he wisped his hand away in the air. “My daughter cannot interest herself in him. He is Faelor.”  And at that admission, Beatrice replied. “Oh.” And again the silence issued forth like steam rolling off a cliff, a very steep cliff with no possible end in sight. And the silence cut through the dense air, making the moment awkward.

“Athlidon, let me ask you something.,” as Beatrice turned and looked seriously at this bewildered yet overly proud elven soldier. “How old would you say an elf should be to..court? When would it be permissible? or when would you allow it?”  Athlidon huffed, “That is easy. For Angolien, never.” Beatrice made a face, “Athlidon!” Turning to Beatrice, pushing aside her laundry basket with his boot, “No. Listen to me Beatrice. My daughter does not need to court anyone. There is no need. I can protect her whenever there is danger, I can provide for her,  her wants, whatever she desires. She does not need any other elf. Especially Faelor.” Yeesh! Beatrice thought, over doting parental unit. Helicopter. “Rather controlling of you, isn’t it?,” she asked. Shrugging, Athlidon agreed, “Perhaps. However necessary.”

As Beatrice and Athlidon slung ideas and unreasonable reasons back and forth, “Faelor cannot see a thing Beatrice. His long term vision is short sighted. He only sees what is now, what he wants, his own desires, what is just in front of his nose. He has no long range plans. My daughter will suffer. His name shouldn’t have been Faelor, but Bathor instead. Faelor only sees…mud!”

“Bathor? Athlidon, that really isn’t very nice! He doesn’t trample all over everything! Not anymore at least.” Now this was Faelor they were talking about and as much as Faelor was sometimes a nuisance, he was still someone Beatrice spent an immeasurable amount of time with as a youngster. And he had matured considerable over the years. And well, Athlidon, even though a strong, capable, independent, thorough warrior, he was a bit of a…snob, when it came to overprotecting his only child, a daughter no less. At last, when all else was said, “Athlidon,” Beatrice asked, “How long would you give them, if they were to court, before allowing them to actually, officially court?”

“Two thousand years. No. Four.,” Athlidon countered. “Athlidon.,” Beatrice chided. “Seriously, how many?” Screwing his face, Athlidon heavily sighed, “Alright. Typically, as long as it takes, I suppose.“ And here is where Beatrice laid it down, “Suppose they take a few years, say a hundred. If, after a hundred, would you allow them, then to officially, court? Without interference?” “Yes.,” he gave without hesitation. Hmmm, thought Beatrice. He wasn’t so uncompromising an elf after all. “However,” he insisted, “There is no need.” Rising, Athlidon, bowed, “Our conversation has ended.” Turning and with purpose, Athlidon walked away. Beatrice slumped further down on the bench, kicked a pebble.

As the years wore on, the fifty or so many, Athlidon became more restless as each dark, fallen evening approached into a blackened, silent night. And each quiet nightfall rounded toward the morning’s remarkable sunrise and again, fell back into a crescent or full moon’s sleep.

“Gwingnis!,” Athlidon hissed one evening, approaching their bed. “Gwingnis! Do you hear them?!,” starting to raise his voice, flinging himself across the room. “Athlidon.,” quietly his wife insisted. “Come to bed, my love. The evening is almost over.” Striding across the room, tossing his long mane of straight, silken blond hair over his shoulders, placing one knee onto the mattress, indenting it, leaning, shooting his body forward, “He is out there Gwingnis.,” pointing behind him. “Do you hear them?! He is standing right outside her chamber doors!”

How long was his wife to bear this nonsense. “Come to bed Athlidon. Let us sleep. The night grows weary and full with such turmoil.” But Athlidon would not be undone. “Gwingnis! Listen to them! They are chattering like small animals that climb through trees. Can you not hear them?!” His body was thrusting itself as forward as possible, causing the bed to shake, bounce and indent. “How long will he persist in his attentions of our daughter?! Can he not find someone else? Someone less worthy?”  “Athlidon.,” Gwingnis tried. He lifted his intense bodily frame from the bed, ambled closer to the doors. “Athlidon!,” Gwingnis hissed. “What are you doing?! Leave them be!” Halting before the doors, keeping his hands off the handles, “I am only getting a handle on their conversations.,” he offered, trying to listen in on the whispers, sighs and happiness the two young elves gave each other, and how unaware his antics were becoming that much more alarming. “Come to bed Athlidon.”  “I..I can almost make out…he is saying…she said….” Gwingnis shot up, threw the covers back, and stood firm, “Athlidon! Stop it! For the sake of the Vala, stop it!” And Gwingnis, so unusually kind, calm, unburdened with triviality and gracious to all, became unmistakably angered. “I command you to stop this instant!.,” she harshly whispered in outrage.

Only once before had Athlidon heard, let alone seen his wife, his night’s moon, so enraptured with rankor, that the moment stilled his heart and life. She breathed deeply, abundantly. Steeled herself for a possible showdown with Athlidon. And as Gwingnis stood before her husband, she could feel the cool breath of the wind breeze and lift her sea green evening gown, causing the long, deep train of cloth to mist and flay against her legs. “You have given your promise to leave Angolien be! She is old enough. She is mature enough. She is capable enough. Faelor may not be your first choice of a love for our daughter, but Faelor is the choice Angolien has made. And you will leave her be.” Athlidon stood still, was caught off guard, and when a moment passed, still did he not make any attempt to move, nor expel the emotions swirling, encasing his being. So Gwingnis continued unhindered.

“Long ago,” she reminded him, “You likened Faelor to mud. That sticky, murky, dirty glob of nothingness. All these years Faelor has remained beside our daughter. He had followed her, he has followed when beckoned by her. Never has Faelor once stolen her from you. Or me. He is our daughter’s choice. And she will decide when the time is right.” Athlidon still did not move, he watched his wife, he breathed, he listened. He understood. It was hard, so incredible hard, his child, his daughter, his only one. He knew Gwingnis was correct. He knew, understood Angolien was well put together, mature, independent, capable, was made for Faelor. But…she was his only child, his daughter, his…If Gwingnis, his wife, was his night’s moon, then his daughter, Angolien, was his night’s moon’s enchanted glow, an incredible, enchanting glow against, beside his one night’s moon. How could he let her go?

He lowered his eyes. This mighty elven warrior, soldier. A trusted confident to Glorfindel. A mighty elf of his Lord’s city. He would follow wherever they choose, designed him to go. But still…this one weakness, well, two really. His wife was right. He breathed, turned, made for the door. “Where are you going?! Athlidon?!,” Gwingnis insisted. With his hand hovering on the knob, he gave his head a slight turn in acknowledgment, “I am removing myself from the equation.,” he said. “I will be back. Get some sleep.” He opened the door, not turning his head in the direction of the cause of his disturbance, and walked down the corridor. “Ada?,” Angolien whispered, half in excitement, half bewilderment. Again Athlidon gave half a head turn, “Go to sleep Angolien.,” he replied gently and continued on. Faelor felt him, said goodnight. 

He walked. He walked not knowing where he was taking himself. Not knowing till he finally had walked enough to let the confusion, the pain register and the cause of his misery to surface. Where he had ended up, was the exact same spot as he had placed himself so very long ago when he had deliberated, contemplated his amorous attentions of choosing his wife and actually pursuing Gwingins. Now, back in this same position, he must decide to let his daughter go. Not go really, just, step down. Hand her over to another male to love, to cherish and adore. Another being to take his place. And that was the rub, to take his place. Faelor.

She had seen him walk up the hillside. She felt sorry for him. Athlidon was really a good elf. A little proud, somewhat prudish, yes persnickety, complicated, complex, but also dependable, capable, intelligent, empathetic and he held himself with a good sense of humor. Beatrice wrapped a warm shawl about her person. “I’ll be right back.,” she gave Lindir, as he looked up in surprise, then over, outside at her target. “Be careful.,” Lindir advised, nodding off in the distance. “He has been quite fussy and finicky these last few years.” She smiled. 

“Stupid hill.,” she muttered. “Why does he always choose this one?” Beatrice huffed, puffed, tripped over herself now and then, finally reaching the top. But what a magnificent view she found!  “Oh, wow!,” Beatrice exclaimed reaching the top, starting Athlidon in the process. “What are you doing here?!,” he reacted. Looking round the landscaping, seeing tiny twinkles of lights dotting here and there below, “Coming to talk to you.,” she replied truthfully. “Hmmpff.,” Athlidon snorted, turning his back against Beatrice, “Go talk to someone else.” He waved her off, crossed his legs. “I am busy.,” and cleared his throat. Well, that remark stung, but Beatrice sat beside him anyway. “Go awayyy.,” he insisted. “No.,” she said softly. “Their time is almost up.,” Beatrice whispered knowingly. He breathed deep. “Don’t.” And Athlidon curled his emotions inside himself in pain.

Sitting beside Athlidon on that hill, knowing she might not be wanted there, Beatrice couldn’t leave him alone. She knew his pain, she felt his anguish, as it sliced through his heart, curling hurt and silent tears within. However, Beatrice would not be deterred. “You must let her make her own choice Athlidon.” Shaking his head, opening his mouth, “Do you not think I know that?,” he mocked in quiet anguish, keeping his internal wounds at bay. So, in silent contemplation, Athlidon and Beatrice sat with nothing but the quiet wisp of air to keep them company. In time, when Athlidon seemed to get himself under control, Beatrice dropped the most excruciating certainty Athlidon knew, but would not bear to acknowledge. “I love her Athlidon. But not as much as you do. It will not cause me as much pain and hurt as it will you, to hold her still and imprisoned.” And she let that settle in. No reply came forth from him, he was bitter, pendant and careful. Imprisoned, Athlidon thought to himself. How dare she, so impudent, disrespectful of me, so reckless of her. Beatrice, Athlidon thought. And her words, her truth stung.

“She is young still.,” Athlidon tried replying calmly, falsely, smoothing out an imaginary wrinkle in his clothing, brushing it away. Beatrice gave him a half smile, tried not to let tears fall. She knew he was angry at her, knew she was hurtful, but…letting a child go, even if they are still with you, is biting, heart crushing, wrenching. You want them forever. And again, Beatrice couldn’t stop herself, “Remember when you told me once, Faelor was mud? Nothing but mud? That he couldn’t see beyond his own wants or desires?” Athlidon raised his brows, shrugged his shoulders. Beatrice continued, “Some people could look at a mud puddle and see an ocean with ships.,” and Beatrice smiled into a small laugh. “Faelor is just that Athlidon. He does see, he sees differently than us, than you, Athlidon,” Beatrice explained, “Everything in life in how we perceive it. We can either see it with a bright side or let it rip us apart inside forever. Everything Athlidon in this life depends on everything else. We are not islands unto ourselves. We can either choose to let go and be happy, or…suffer in solitary silence forever, choosing bitterness, defeat and hurt, over goodness and love. Letting someone else always have power over us, our being.” She let that settle in his heart. And another silence ensured betwixt them.

When the night became cold, when the sun let its’ grip lose it’s hold on the ground, when things crept and buzzed, causing Beatrice to shudder and cringe, “Go to bed.,” Athlidon reprimanded her. “I’m not tired.,” Beatrice fibbed. In all honesty, she was. Exhausted, cold, becoming stiff and cramped and wondered what Lindir must be thinking, what Gwingnis must be wondering. 

At long last, Athlidon stood. Stretched, looked across the darkened non existent horizon blending sky and land, and granted Beatrice a hand. “I’ll walk you back.,” he said. Looking up, wondering if anything had made sense, had helped him, Beatrice gave in, stood, stretched, rubbed her legs and arched her back. “Athlidon.,” she tried broaching. He waved her off. 

“Angolien is more than capable of picking the right mate. We must let her be. Walk back with me.,” he insisted. “Lindir must be a wreck.” And he gave her a serious study. “You are cold. I will tell Lindir you deceived me.” He gave a small smile. “I..,” Beatrice began. “Okay.” And let it be.

Helping her down the hill, avoiding unseen holes and rocks, Athlidon brought Beatrice down her corridor and walked to her chamber door. “I will talk to Angolien in the morning. I’ll let her choose whom she wishes. She will not have wait four thousand years if she does not wish to.” And Athlidon turned to leave. Stunned, Beatrice was entranced with him. What had changed? Why did he give in? Did he give in? She was enthralled by this stoic elf whom she trusted her life with, whom she showed respect for. Something changed. What?

“Athlidon.,” Beatrice called. He turned, came back to her. She gave him a sad, pitying, but lovely smile. “I look at you, and a sense of wonder takes me.” Athlidon smiled a grand, if not pained smile in return. Giving Beatrice a small peck on the check, “Goodnight.” 

“Where’d that kiss come from?,” Beatrice wondered. And turned to her room.